Duo's quiet mission
by Knyghtshade
Summary: The oz base is devoid of humans after only one hour. Where'd they all go? Duo has his theories. Totally weird!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: As most others I do not own Gundam Wing or accessaries.

Note: I am totally new at this and have no Idea what I'm doing so if I missed anything or if you have any tips please help.

Earth base 24th command:

Duo slipped carefully around the corner. The base was quiet. To quiet. Docter G wanted the information off the datebase here. He had tried hacking in, but the information necessary to the next mission was behind firewalls even Heero wouldn't be able to hack remotely.

Which was why he was here in the overly quiet base, blending with the shadows in a seemingly needless effort to stay undetected. All he needed to do was hack into their mainframe get what he had been ordered to and return to Deathscythe. Simple right? Why then did the hairs on his neck quiver?

Duo felt a snarl form on his lips. And where was Oz hiding. There had been enough of them earlier. So what, had they all been victoms of internal combustion or teleportation, or maybe they were all invisible and standing all around him. But then there would been ash everywhere, or he would be being attack by the unseeable soldiers. Even as he thought this Duo could hear Heero's cold 'Baka' if he ever heard these theories.

He knew it was dumb, but there didn't seem to be any logical explination either. Seriously though they had all been scurrying around like little ants when he had flown 'Scyth over in stealth mode no more then an hour ago. The base had only been out of sight for about twenty minutes while he had hidden Deathscyth and now everyone was gone.

Duo peeked into each room as he passed for soldiers. He grew even more puzzled as he went. There were papers scattered and coffee mugs dumped across the desks. It was as if everyone had dropped everything and ran. Had they picked 'Scythe up on radar. Nah. Not even the other Gundams could pick him and 'Scythe up in stealth mode.

Other such finds greeted him as he crept though the empty base to the computer mainframe. He decided to take it as a blessing that no one was here. Duo downloaded the data and melted back into shadows. Just because no one was here didn't mean that the camaras were offline as well.

Back safely in Deathscythe Duo sent the data to Doctor G. That done he took off for the safehouse, and forgot all about the empty base in favor for coming up with a new nickname for Wufei. Wuki wu or maybe Woofie moo. Had he used that one yet? Hmmmmmmmmmmm So many choices...

One month later:

Duo was hacking into the newest Oz mainframe to wipe out a report. Why he had gotten this mission instead of Heero he didn't know. Heero was always playing around with his laptop anyway, so he should love the chance to do more on it. Not that he ever loves anything. Duo finally saw the report files he was looking for.

He scanned down the directory. Drill order. Request for transfer. Uniform request. Weapons request. Mission report: Threat neutalized. Mission report: still in process. Mission report: Alien abduction of Earth base 24th command. Misson report. Gundams 04, 0... Wait a sec. Alien abduction. What?! Duo's jaw gaped. Isn't that the base I raided last month????


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: DON"T OWN GW or Star wars.

Warnings: Completely random and insane. (For which I am choosing to blame thejasonresno for not giving me any ideas. It is entirely his fault, not mine.)

That said. Please continue. You will either laugh your heads off or lock yourself in the crazy ward or possibly me.

Duo's quiet mission chapter 2

Duo snickered at the file. They weren't serious! 'Alien abduction. Ha! If I dared try a tale like that on the others, they would all shoot me. Well, Heero and Trowa would. Wufei would swing his obscenely sharp sword at my head, and Quatre would cry while he called the nearest mental institute.' He clicked on it reading it quickly.

Last month Headquarters lost all contact with Earth Base 24th Command. Upon investigation, it was found that the entire base had been abandoned with no knowledge of the missing officers' whereabouts. Two days ago the newly appointed officers on the Earth base found the most of the former personnel on base. When told to report they all started babbling nonsense about evil man-eating teddy bears. After medical attention to the numerous welts and unidentified bite marks, the officers were sent to a mental institute for rehabilitation.

He shook his head in amusement and quickly moved on to download the ordered data. He then started to back out of the system after planting several viruses and bugs to keep Oz busy for a while. Hesitating he pondered about the alien file. Shrugging, 'what could it hurt?' he added it to the file he had hacked and left the system.

He closed his laptop and rode the cable up to Deathscythe's cockpit. The lights lit up across the board as the engines purred contentedly. The lights of the Oz base in the valley below him suddenly got a lot brighter. Just then, Scythe's engine cut out.

"No! Come on Buddy, this isn't like you." Dou pleaded. The only reason he could fathom for the lights to be so much brighter was that the base had turned some sort of spotlight on the mountain. They were getting closer to where his Gundam stood, and with the engines out his camouflage was out of commission. If he got caught, again, Heero really would kill him.

Duo frantically worked, trying desperately to find the problem. The now brilliant light blinded him as he punched in the start up code again and then a second time. He began to feel weightless and woozy from the white light. Darkness swallowed him up.

There was the painful feeling of a very large bruise forming between his shoulder blades where his knife was sheathed. The metal of the table beneath him was warm. He had been laying here for a while. The dim lighting came from lights that ran along the floor creating a surreal atmosphere. Duo tested the bonds that held him. They were mere ropes. He twisted his wrists so the spring-loaded blades leapt into his hands. The ropes sliced like soft cheese. He rolled off the table into a cautious crouch.

If Oz was doing this, they were seriously slipping, first alien abductions and now this. It wasn't the guys doing; they would hang him from his hair.

Duo did a rapid inventory. All of his knives and picks were in place, but his pistol was gone. 'Okay… this is bizarre. Who would take the gun, but leave the knives?'

There was nothing except the bolted down table in the room. The walls were of a strange bluish purple metal. He looked for escape routes. There was only one possibility, the sealed door.

Duo felt the cool metal. No key holes or anything else to pick to open the door revealed themselves.

Well this was just peachy. Heero was going to kill him. That's all there was to it.

A hissed of compressed air made him jump. He crossed his knives before him defensively.

The bluish door whooshed open.

The thing standing before him was odd to say the least, and soooo CUTE! Duo wanted to drop his knives and cuddle the liquid eyed creature. It was just like a real live teddy bear!

(A.N: Think of the Mugwies in Star wars.)

Duo sheathed his blades unable to think of these creatures as dangerous. The cuddly teddy bear aura was too strong.

It spoke with a series of chirps and squeaks. Duo found he could understand them. "Play! Play! Play!" The gray teddy bear then let out an extra loud squeak and suddenly Duo found himself surrounded by gray teddy bears.

"Play! Play! Play!" Came the chorus of squeaks.

(A.N: Squeaky teddy bears that want to play. Anyone scared yet? Should be.)

The teddies were poking him. Duo squirmed. It tickled. A giggle slipped from his lips, and the teddies squeaked happily.

"Fun! Fun! Fun! Play! Play! Play!"

They dragged him from the room and down uniformly bluish purple hallways to another sealed door.

"Play! Play! Play!" 

A large room hidden behind the door took Duo's breath away. "Cool." It was a huge, battle training room. It would be so fun to take on the other guys in a place like this. There were obstacles stacked haphazardly around the room, even attached to the wall, and ceiling. Ladders and handholds were scattered throughout the room. The walls and obstacles were padded to lighten the bruising.

'Even Heero would like this place."

The bears divided into two teams with the leaders apparently bickering over some sort of flags. There was one purple and red a one and a pink one with a blue flower.

They were both handed to him. "You are bearer. You protect. No team gets either till over. Team wins get to have theirs. Must keep safe."

Bemused Duo took the flag things and tucked them into an inner pocket. 'Must be some sort of capture the flag.'

He was then armed with only a water gun. Duo felt a trickle of fear in his gut when he saw them loading BB guns. 'They aren't going to play with those are they?'

They were. The lights dimmed and he was steered to the middle of the room. When the teams retreated to their respective side the gravity dropped to near zero, and it began.

Duo found that the water gun actually repelled them, and the bee bee guns really hurt. Half of both teams seemed to be trying the get the opposing team's flag to destroy it. He backed into a high corner and squirted any who ventured to close. He felt the pain of dozens of welts rising all over. Thankfully, they did try not to hit the face.

The water was running low. A teddy had managed to capture a flag and was attempting to tear it to shreds while Duo grabbed at it frantically. He had wrested it back from the teddy bear when the lights flickered back on. The gravity rose too. Duo thudded to the floor. 'Should have thought of that earlier. Ow!' The padding helped but not much.

The battle was over. The losing team huddled in the far corner looking sad and miserable. For some odd reason he no longer wanted to cuddle them.

The other team came and claimed their flag. It was the pink one still whole and pink. The other was promptly torn too little itty-bitty pieces.

Once again, he was dragged through the corridors till they all stopped before another purple door.

"Give! Give! Give!"

The leader of the winning team squeaked at the door and it hissed open. A fuzzy white teddy bear stood there looking adorable.

'So that's what it was all about. They were fighting over who got the give the girl a present.' Duo snickered softly to himself.

The flag was presented and the white teddy bear gave an appreciative chirp, took it, and tied it around her neck. It hung down rather like a napkin or bib. Duo wasn't going to tell her that though. It was obliviously their fashion, and you do not scorn a lady's fashion.

He was shoved forwards to stand before the lady bear. She poked and pinched him. "Good! Good! Good!"

Suddenly he remembered the Oz report. Welt and bite marks. Some of the officers didn't make it.

The flag was tied like a napkin would be just before a meal.

The white bear brought his arm towards her delicately fanged mouth. She was going to eat him!

"NO!" He jerked backwards. "I don't want to be eaten!"

He hit the floor, hard, eyes squeezed shut.

Nothing happened.

"What are you doing now baka?"

It was Wufei. Duo launched himself off the floor and glomped the unfortunate Chinese.

"Don't let them eat me!"

Silence greeted him.

Heero

))) Trowa

O.O Quatre

Wufei

T.T Duo.

"Baka."

"…"

"Duo?"

"Weakling."

"Please don't let the evil teddy bears eat me," Duo cried still clinging to Wufei who was trying to pry him off.

"Do you think the toxins are making him hallucinate?" Quatre whispered to Heero.

"Possibly."

Wufei finally succeeded and dumped Duo pitilessly on the floor. "It's his own fault for stepping in a yellow jacket nest."

Duo looked at his arms he really was covered in welts. It hadn't been a dream! He was just about to glomp one of the others again when the conversation that had been going on over his head registered. "Bees?"

"You don't remember, Duo?" Quatre asked with concern. "You were running around outside and stepped in a yellow jacket nest. They swarmed you. It is a good thing you are not sensitive to the venom or you could have died. The fever was bad as it was."

"So there weren't any evil teddy bears with BB guns who are going to me give to their girlfriend to eat?"

"No, Duo," Quatre soothed. Then whispering, none too quietly, to Heero again. "Are you sure his fever is really gone?"

"Hn."

Heero bent back over the project in his lap. Duo saw it and panicked.

"No! Get away from it, Heero. It wants to eat you!" He grabbed the nearest of the guns stashed around the house and fired the entire clip into the hand sewn bear sitting on top of Heero's laptop.

When the smoke and stuffing settled little electrical sparks crackled weakly from the holes in the laptop, and the teddy bear was just a pile of white and grey fuzz.

Heero focused a DEATH GLARE on Duo. "Omae o korosu."

END

All done. Are any of us still sane? Review please! Batting her liquid teddy bear eyes


End file.
